


Somebody I Used To Know

by The_Eclectic_Reader23



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Amnesia, Bittersweet Ending, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Infertility, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loving Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Memory Loss, Other, Parent-Child Relationship, Sad and Happy, Some Humor, Stark Tower, The Avengers Are Good Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25220749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eclectic_Reader23/pseuds/The_Eclectic_Reader23
Summary: "There is nothing I remember. There is nothing I know nor recognize.""Don't let go of us, love. Please. I know. I remember.""But I do not! How do you expect me to stay with you and Jonathan if I can't figure out how to function within the family? How do you expect me to that? Just how?""I don't have the answers to that, love. But I promise you, if you decide to stay with me - and Jonathan - I will do my best to grant you new memories now and for ever.""What if I never learn to love you again?""Perhaps you will. For now, and for the future in front of us, I have enough love to take care of all three of us. All you need to do is stay."
Relationships: Avengers Team & Original Female Character(s), Avengers Team & Original Male Character(s), Loki & Avengers Team, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) & Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel) & Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Thor (Marvel) & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Why would you do this?

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to publish this work completed because I really want you to read the whole thing from a proper start to a proper finish, and because I'm celebrating first twelve months of writing and publishing stories on Ao3 with you (happy anniversary to me!).  
> This is my way of thanking everyone who was reading my stories, loving them (or not - I don't judge), leaving kudos and commentaries... this is all for you.  
> I am looking forward to next twelve months! 
> 
> Quick on the story: it spans over few months to years, so expect the events full of drama, sadness, happiness, humour, tragedy. I was trying to be as consistent as I could be (with some changes here and there), and I hope this story will be interesting to some, heartbreaking to others and so on, and so on.  
> Most importantly, I hope it will be a lovely read, even if the story doesn't suit your preferences as much. 
> 
> Enjoy! :-)

_You will never be a mother._

"What are you thinking about, love?" a soft voice spoke, a gentle hand moving hair off her face. 

She looked up to see her beloved fiance staring at her, lovingly, smiling as if she was his one and only. 

"Hmm?" she tried. She found herself not listening to anything he had said before. 

He laughed a little, waving his head at her. "I was talking about the wedding in front of us. We have only few days before it takes place, and I was thinking if you had some second thoughts?" 

She knew he was joking. She could sense that in his tone, which always became a bit pitched when he'd play around. She could always guess it was his defensive way of covering the fact he was feeling dreadful at the alone thought of her ever leaving. 

Which was hard for her when she knew what she'll do. 

"Uh... I..."

She could have told him, right? 

But it would break him in smallest of pieces. And he was already broken when she met him. Would she dare to be cruel enough to break him like that again, possibly for worse this time? 

She knew how much and how deeply he loved her. And she was aware of her own emotions too. 

When she focused on his eyes - blue as the ocean, but with a hint of green mischief in them - she saw it for a second. His fear was evident, it was still here, although she accepted his marriage proposal and claimed she would forever be the one to hold him and know his secrets, all of them. 

So she put on a smile, just to assure him of the happiness he'd been blessed with. 

"I was only wondering if I'll still fit in my dress," she responded. "I think I got a few pounds." 

"Need not to worry, love," Loki said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You will always be the one most beautiful to me." 

His lips stayed there, on her pale skin, while the sun shone its last on them. They were waiting for sunset, almost every night. 

"My goddess," he whispered, lips slipping down her face and to the deepest crook of her neck. "My Athena." 

She laughed at this little game of his, darling affection he'd use to show the love and faith he had for her to offer. 

"Did you say that because I remind you of a warrior or because my name literally is _Athena_?" 

"Ah," he huffed, watching her with sweet adoration. "Listen to me: you _are_ a warrior. One strong, independent, stubborn woman..." 

"Okay, okay, I've got it," she pushed his shoulders lightly, "I am a hell of a woman." 

"More like Hades of a woman," he spoke, "But I forgot to mention: caring, open-hearted, sweet person whom I cannot wait but to refer to as my lovely wife." 

"Lovely?" she asked, furrowing her brow. 

"That's how much of Athena you are," he retorted. 

She couldn't have told him then. The moment they shared was so pure, so _theirs_ , that she felt an obligation to keep him as happy as she could for as long as she could. 

And she was running out of time she could give him. 

But as she looked at him lowering above her, playing with her dark hair that mimicked his, Athena knew: _any other day, but not this sunset, their last sunset they will ever enjoy watching together, making plans for the future she knew won't happen._

Tomorrow, four days before their wedding day, she will break his heart forever. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

"Do you ever think about the future?" she asked him one night, night that happened a year and half ago, at the time when everything was perfect between them. 

Loki kissed the top of her head, as she was laying in his arms, staring at the ceiling, calmed down by his steady breathing. 

"From time to time, I do. And whenever I do, I think about having you in it." 

She turned to face him. The look in his eyes showed desire, a want for something, something that was somehow familiar, and yet strange to decipher. 

"I will be the part of it, Loki. You are not going to get rid of me, sunshine," she laughed sweetly. 

"I don't want to," he whispered. 

His expression was serious. 

There really was something there, and she didn't know if she should be worried or intrigued. So she prayed for the best. 

His palm rested on her cheek, brushing softly on the flesh of her skin. Loki looked at her, captivated by his inner doubts before he asked this one, final question. 

"I feel for you more than I've ever thought I would be capable of," he spoke, swallowing hard. "The love I feel for you is not something you could describe in the books, whose nice words would be a great helper right now, and not told by the simple song. But I have to ask you a question." 

Loki paused for a moment, lowering his head down. Insecurity he liked all so much to ignore knocked on the door. 

Athena waited patiently for him to be ready. 

"Before I do ask you, I want to tell you that... this is going to change us." 

Athena's smile creeped in on her lips. 

"Are you asking me to marry you?" 

"Am I that obvious?" he joked, pulling her by waist to come closer and stealing a small kiss. "Athena, dear, be easy on me. This is hard already." 

"Would it feel hard if I told you that I love you and that there is nothing that's ever going to seperate us?" she replied playfully, snaking her hands over his hips and squeezing tightly enough to get a low groan out of him. 

"Should I take that as a 'yes'?" Loki smirked. 

She kissed him in a second. Passionately, as it was the only way she knew how to; tenderly, because only she dared to show enough of a fragile love, peeling off all the layers of herself for him; beautifully, because that was the only how Loki saw her. 

She kissed him because she loved him. 

"Take it as a 'yes'," she whispered in his mouth, "because that is the answer you will always get from me. Yes, yes, and yes to everything." 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

After she gave him her hand for a promise of a unity they'll form for whole eternity, Loki took a step further. 

Athena was aware of Loki's tendency to blame himself for things he's done (here she was on the same line with the Avengers, thinking he had to redeem his past actions with new, present ones to fully atone for his sins - a trait of hers he really admired, claiming that justice was in her bones and soul due to the name she was given, and which she was proud of). 

She was aware of how Loki slipped from time to time, ending in the dark place of the obscure thoughts that were surronding him. When she caught him sitting silent by himself again, a hand on his sharp chin and eyes looking down at the floor, she was afraid of it happening once more.

"I am all right, love," he answered the question she hadn't even asked. 

Athena came close to him, kneeling down next to the chair he was seated in, and brushing his hair. It always soothed him. 

"Are you?" she spoke quietly. "It seems like you have gone somewhere else. Like you're not...?" 

"You shouldn't be worrying about me." 

"I need to know if there are any troubles before I get you to be my husband." 

He snorted at that. "If all the events from the past haven't stopped you from falling in love with me, darling, I assure you you're safe." 

"Pfft," she smacked his biceps. "I asked you seriously." 

"Hm."

"And I demand a serious answer." 

Loki picked his head up. Athena was surprised to see the glow in his eyes; something good was going on his mind. 

"I...," he started, hesitant to speak the words he wanted to say, not knowing if she'll be ready for it yet. 

"Let me put it this way: remember a few nights ago, when I, well, tried to propose you?" he winked at her and she nodded, "You asked me if I have plans for the future." 

Athena nodded again, interested in what he had to say. 

"I was thinking... would you ever... could you ever imagine us with a family?" 

"Are you asking me what I think you are asking me?"

"Depends on what you're thinking, dove." 

Athena smiled. "I would love to have a child with you, Loki. I would love to have a family." 

He smiled too, now relieved, happy that he found this remarkable woman, his refuge, and her embrace he could always run to. 

"I love you. I love you," he whispered, kissing her gently. 

"I love you too, my dear mischief prince," she spoke, caressing his cheek. 

Everything was finally as good as it could be. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Loki slept next to her, on his back, one hand lazily holding her waist. 

She glanced at him. He had all he needed and all he claimed to want, with bright future in front of him. 

But he relied all his hopes and dreams on her. 

Now that she knew he'll never get what he wants from her, as she found out the horrible truth, the tasteless joke life had pulled on her, she had to face with a possibility of letting him go. She knew it was not fair, not the right choice, and definitely not in her hands of deciding, as Loki hated anyone to bring decisions for him. 

But it was the one thing she thought of the most. 

She discovered the truth five months before the wedding day. 

_I'm sorry, Miss. But the paragraphs and tests say it all - you are infertile. You can't have children._

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, especially not now, at the moment in her young life when she settled her mind on becoming a mother, having a child she would raise with her husband who proved enough of himself to grant to be an excellent father. They both desired it for so long, they both wanted a role in their lives that would feel like it was meant for them. Loki couldn't wait to become a _papa_ , and Athena couldn't wait to hear yelling after her _Mama!_. 

But it was not to happen. For her, never. For Loki, only if he found somebody else to love. 

Athena dried the tears off her face. 

She took all the things that could remind Loki of her and eventually harm him more than he'll already be when she leaves. After that, she left the room, like a criminal, an intruder in this man's life, whom she loved, and she forever will somehow. 

The only proof of her existence in his life Loki will find tomorrow when he wakes up. It will be a short note, written in her small, thin, elegant writing, that was as ancient as her name. 

It will be strong enough to break his spirit once again. 


	2. There is hope - in him

Loki didn't understand. 

A night before she was here, she was his - and now, she was gone. 

He found himself sitting on the edge of the bed they used to share, clutching the note he noticed on her pillow, which smelled like her, carrying the scent of jasmin and sea salt, undoubtedly hers and undoubtedly unique like his Greek goddess. His body was shaking, staring at the note he read all over again, and still couldn't find the reason behind it. 

What was the cause of it? Why now, when they were so close to being connected for the eternal times, as they intended to be? 

Loki stirred. His fears came true. 

Was she frightened of the future with him? Did she stop for a mere moment, and caught herself thinking she had decided wrong from the start? That he really wasn't worth that much of a trouble at all? 

Loki's mind was racing wild with these thoughts, every other worse than another, every other hurting deeper than another. His body was still shaking, violently, as if the winter's icy breeze rushed in the room, leaving frostbites on his human flesh. The blue skin of a frost giant appeared, demon's eyes glowing red. He looked with those eyes at the note again to prolong his insecure pain.

_Loki._

_Love of mine._

_I don't know how can I explain myself, because there isn't a real explanation at all. At least not for the way I'm leaving._

_You will be angry at me, you will hate me; I know. But that's all right. I would feel the same._

_I would, and I do, hate myself all the same._

_Loki._

_Love of mine._

_I'm sorry._

_Athena_

"I don't hate you, Athena; I love you," his croaky voice pleaded, silent tears marking on his face. "I DON'T HATE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" 

The beast in his heart finally broke out. The ugly cries it held inside for the longest time of fear roared out. 

Loki ripped everything apart: bedsheets, furniture, lamps. The mirror that reflected his inner monster, his truest self in the truest form of what he hates; he smashed it in billions of sharp pieces, cutting his feet on the crystal cracks. He scratched the walls' small irregularities, he killed the light in their bedroom, he screamed in his hands, hands he despised, hands he loved when they were holding her. 

_No more of her. There is no more of her._

The beast raged. Then the prince of mischief cried. 

His heart didn't break; it sank, it bleeded. It cut, freezed and then set itself on flame. It died. 

Athena was his Ragnarok through and through. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Thor came for him. 

Of course it was him; the one brother he knew would come to the rescue when Loki needed it. The hand he'd been given even if everyone else was set up against his well-being. 

"Loki! Loki, what...," he said, eyes growing wide at the sight of the room. The note in Loki's numb hand. 

_Oh no._

He rushed to his brother's side, shaking Loki's body until he winced and acknowledged Thor's presence. He cried out her name, and Thor cried with him. Two brothers united in one's terrible pain. 

"She left," Loki spoke hoarsely, trying to stand up. He was too weak for that kind of an action so he gave up. "She left me, Thor! She took her things and she left!" 

"Loki, hey, calm down," Thor tried to soothe him, "Tell me what happened." 

"If only I knew," Loki replied sadly. "If only I knew." 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Seventeen days passed and she was nowhere to be found. Loki felt like losing his mind, which ultimately scared his older brother, since he didn't know how would he react. 

Athena helped Loki in many ways: because of her, Loki learned to open up to Thor about his feelings and thoughts, making them bond closer than when they were kids, two playful princes of whose fates nobody knew what will eventually become; because of her, Loki tried his best to settle peace between him and the Avengers, who accepted her offer to let him stay at the Tower, although Tony and Clint weren't overly excited about it. 

But nobody, whoever saw them, could deny one thing: Athena was the one who made Loki improve himself on so many levels, teaching him how to cooperate with other people in both his companion and in the battles (Loki was usually present only when needed be).

That's why, after her departure, everybody was in the state of caution. 

Because what if Loki goes back to his old ways of solving personal problems? 

Who would have stopped him now when he lost the love of his life? 

"What are we going to do now? Not even Tony's technological devices nor SHIELD agents can find her," Natasha said. She had a soft spot for Athena, merely because she reminded her of somebody she once held dear. 

Steve waved his head. "I'm more concerned of what Loki will do. He hasn't come back for days." 

"Loki is searching for her," Thor responded, throwing Mjollnir from right to left hand nervously. He couldn't admit that among one of his fears was Loki's position according to a problem. "He will find her." 

"He would have found her already," Tony responded. "You know, Athena can't be found if she doesn't want to be found." 

"The problem is, we don't know why she left," Bruce interfered. "Loki didn't say anything." 

"She hadn't told him, Banner," Thor said back. 

Tony clapped his hands. "Well, now we are right at the same line we were weeks ago. Athena's gone, Loki doesn't know what he fucked up, and we can't decide what to do." 

Natasha huffed. "What do you suggest then? We have tried everything, Tony. And the results are not positive." 

"What if something happened to her? Something bad? Maybe she didn't know how to tell us or Loki or how to deal with it all," Clint looked up from cleaning his arrows. 

"She wouldn't leave without a warning," Nat retorted. "She would've left us a trace." 

"Then it must be something personal. You know she never completely recovered from her parents' deaths."

"The wedding was scheduled three days before she left," Nat responded hesitantly. 

"Maybe she panicked? Weddings tend to be very stressful for future spouses." 

"No," Thor said quietly. "She would never leave my brother for a fear of a wedding. Something else must be on the work." 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Loki wandered. That was all he'd done for days since he couldn't see her face. 

Athena wasn't catchable; he knew the power of her abilities - which included a potential for invisibility she could turn on whenever she felt in danger. That's how he met her: she was just a recruit in the SHIELD team, training for a spy agent for the secret missions. What he found about her that day wasn't too much of a happy past: she showed a factor for parapsychological ability at young age, then spent five years hidden away from her parents when unnamed organization claimed to gather enough of information of her unnatural capacity to control certain elements and conditions, only to end up being their hostage and an experiment, thus witnessing her parents' murders for accusation of lying to the 'government'. 

But Athena was grown up enough to know these men were not on the side of the state authority. She was put up for many of tests, and they all helped her increase her own power. All the recovering years of her gloomy past she spent under the wing of Nick Fury, becoming a far more confident and brave woman Loki couldn't adore but to love. 

He admired how she could just move away from her demons, all the hurt she had encountered through the years when he only learned how to lie his way to get himself out of inconvenient situations. Because, Loki knew, she was always the strongest one of their dynamic duo. 

Something - no, _someone_ \- bumped into him with full force. Loki looked down, already prepared to call the person out for it. 

"Please, sir, don't hit me! I'm sorry!" 

It was a boy, as Loki saw. Probably somehwere around ten years old, skinny, as if he hadn't eaten in awhile, with curly ginger hair and sea green eyes. As much as Loki had quickly examined him, he could tell the boy was in a very bad state. His clothes were dirty with mud and street dust, and he definitely needed a round of a warm, fresh shower. 

"You should watch where you're going, child," Loki responded. "But I will not hit you. Why would I do that?" 

"I don't know for you, sir, but they seriously want to catch me!" the boy said. Loki noticed the mixture of a joy and amusement in his young voice. 

"They?" 

The boy pointed behind him with his thin thumb and Loki gave a suspicious glance in the same direction. 

"Hey, you! A thief! A bloody thief! Get him!" 

The clatter of footsteps was heard as the horde of furious, middle-aged men ran towards the boy Loki had just met. Only then did he notice the small, golden item in his steady hands.

And he smiled. 

"Whoops," the boy whispered, sounding still as amused. He turned to face Loki. "I'm sorry, sir, but I need to go!" And he rushed by him, losing himself in the crowd. 

The men ran faster, now that they noticed the thief they were chasing for, passing Loki, only one of them making contact with him for a second, breaking it as quickly. 

Loki stood there, waving his head. He hadn't washed the smile off his face the whole time. 

_A little mischief._

It only took him a moment to come to his senses, remembering how childhood was fun and thrilling and never-ending. After that, everything that followed from there was Loki's fate, written in the stars, of which he knew nothing about. He only deemed it his own free will. 

So he turned around and ran down the streets, smiling to himself as it felt good to finally feel a bit of happiness after the darkest of times. 

"I suggest you hide better next time," he laughed sympathically, panting with hands on his knees. 

"There will be no next time, sir," the boy said, trying to convince this stranger in front of him that he was not that type of a child. 

"Oh, will there not?" he laughed again, sharp air hitting him in the lungs. God, was he in no shape for the last few weeks. 

"I assure you it will not," the boy said back, sounding so innocent Loki almost believed him. 

"He assures me," Loki huffed and sat down next to him. "You lie, child." 

"No, I do not, sir!"

"You're a liar." 

"Am not!" 

Well, the boy was consistent. Loki had to admit him that. 

"Trust me, I'm very good at knowing when people do lie and when they do not." 

_As Athena never lied to me, and she was the first to go._

His smiled faded at the thought. Athena was still the thorn in his heart, and the emotion in his restless mind. 

"Nevermind," he said all of a sudden, changing the subject to occupy his thoughts with something else. "What is your name, child?" 

"It certainly isn't 'child'." 

He rolled his eyes, a bit irritated. "I know it isn't, that's why I'm asking you. Now; what is your name?" 

"How can I know you won't give me away to the police officers?" 

"Why would I do that if I helped you get rid off those men?" 

"What can I know? Maybe you have your ways of getting out of people what you want with the methods you choose." 

He found himself impressed by the child's intelligence and a range of vocabulary he used. "What could I possibly want from you?" 

"I don't know; that's what I'm saying," he shrugged his youthful shoulders. "Maybe you want to send me away to the dark."

"Dark?" 

"I don't want to go there anymore. I hate that place. Nobody likes me there."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I understood your reference. What place?" 

"The orphanage," he said, dejected. 

Something tightened around Loki's heart. 

"Do they... do they do something bad to you... there?" he asked cautiously. 

The child nodded. "The older boys kick me all the time, mock me, steal away the few of possessions I have," he looked down into his lap, "That's why I stole this. I want to get some money for it so I can leave and not turn back ever again." 

_Not turn back ever again._

Loki glanced at the golden watch. The child's fingers were too fragile to hold the item of such modern defiance, but his shoulders were even more fragile to hold the cruelty of the world on themselves. 

"Where would you go?" 

"Away," came a short answer.

Loki snorted at the remark. "You cannot go away just anywhere. "

"How can I not?" the boy asked, confusion evident on his face. He looked Loki in the eyes with almost pleading intensity. "Somewhere can be better."

"No, it cannot," Loki growled. 

The boy didn't draw back at his tone. " _Everywhere_ can be better." 

"You sound so sure about it, but you do not know life."

"Let me guess: because I'm too young?" 

"Yes," Loki replied harshly. 

"Age does not define us or our perception of what life is and what we want it to be," the boy said, "In my humble opinion." 

Loki grinned. "You're a little philosopher, aren't you? _'In your humble opinion_ '?"

"Have been called that before, sir," the boy said, smile forming on the corner of his lips for the first time.

Loki stared at him, this child, young, but with a soul older than what it should have been. He knew this boy was special, stubborn as a rock, but wise when it comes to certain things of importance. 

And he knew that he was all alone in this complex world, trying to understand it on his own unique way, and never losing the optimism Loki lost ages and ages ago. 

As he stared at him in silence, taking notice of how his small hands never shook in presence of a stranger, and the confidence he radiated through speaking his thoughts, Loki knew: this boy is a child he would have wanted with Athena. 

This boy presented everything Loki wanted in his own child. 

And he had just taught him a lesson. 

"I'm Loki," he gave his hand. 

"Jonathan," the boy accepted it. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Jonathan tried to convince him not to walk him there, but Loki declined. He could be stubborn too when he wanted to push it his way. 

"I don't want to go there, sir!" 

"You can call me Loki," he responded, hands in his pockets and eyes looking at the concrete pathway they were walking on. 

"I still don't want to go there."

"Right now, that's the only choice you really have." 

Jonathan frowned, causing Loki to smile softly. 

"Uff, it would have been better if you just took me to the police," Jonathan retorted. 

"And you truly believe they wouldn't bring you back here as well?" 

The boy gave it a thought. "... I did not think about that." 

"There you go," Loki said, smiling wider. God, was he having fun. 

The grey building popped in their sight, and Loki noticed how Jonathan shivered when he recognized it. The front garden - rather poor one - greeted them with a sinister, eerie atmosphere, and the fact there were no children to be heard playing was even more unsettling. 

Loki's face was stone-cold, but he felt true despair and sorrow at the thought of leaving this boy, of whom he took a special liking of, in this place, the place that seemed to give him nothing but nightmares and dreams for a brighter, happier future. 

"Well...," he started, now insecure, now unable to hide the fact that he cares. For a bit. Only for a bit. "We're here." 

"Seems like it...," he whispered, now smaller than poppy seeds, now unable to not say how he wants a friend. Whom he thought he found. 

"Do you want me to knock on the door for you?" Loki suggested politely. 

"No. It would bring me in worse trouble than the one I'll already get for being late," he said back, and Loki felt the change in his voice; utter sadness. 

"I guess I've got to go. Bye, Loki." 

Jonathan ran up the stairs, trying to hide and fight the tears he was on the verge of. 

But Loki decided to give him as much of a hope he had given to him in these few hours they spent talking. 

"Jonathan!" he called for him, and the boy stopped, turning around to look him in the eyes questioningly. 

"I will come back. To see how you've been doing and... everything. Don't worry." 

Jonathan smiled. "I know you will, Loki. Thank you." 

He took something out of his pocket. Loki already knew what it will be. 

"And thank you for letting me keep this," he continued, then ran into the building, slamming door behind him. 

Loki's smile didn't go down as he stood there, feeling the emptiness of his hands, when he thought he could either grasp hers and his child's. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Loki noticed somebody watching him. At first he thought a random passer-by saw him there, in front of the orphanage, with a young boy he walked back there, and get on a wrong side of thinking. As much as he wanted to speak up, to convince the person it was nothing but an innocent walk - Midgardians always thought of the negative scenario first - Loki would have been much more grateful for that shameful misunderstanding than for a bitter slap in the face, brought to him by the hands of a cruel destiny, but in the form of a Greek goddess he loved. 

"Loki?" her voice lost its softness it used to have. Or he just imagined it? "What are you doing here?" 

"The real question would be: why are you here?" 

She didn't answer, but didn't take her eyes off of him either. 

"Tell me, Athena. Tell me." 


	3. You could have talked to me

"Tell me, Athena. Tell me," his voice was pleading. 

But what could she have said? That her own infertility caused her to set such harm upon him, upon them and their once loving relationship? That the lack of communicational skills caused her to go two steps back instead of simply telling him the truth? 

Loki will know if she lies. 

"There's nothing I can tell you," she responded, quietly, trying to sound harsh and untouchable. 

Loki gave her a smile of pain. It faded as quickly as it showed itself, but Athena saw it as an accusation and her low heart sank, falling even lower, hitting the rough bottom. 

"There is a lot you have to tell me," Loki spat back angrily. "There is a lot you need to explain to me." 

"Didn't you read the letter I left you?" she asked and instantly knew it was a mistake. 

It broke Loki more than he already was. His eyes stared at her in disbelief. 

"I did," he spoke. "I did, I did. I read it." 

"I'm sorry, Loki, I didn't-" 

He put his hand up, turning a palm to her. "No, no. I don't... I don't want to hear it, Athena."

"Loki-" 

"I don't want to hear that you're sorry. Out of all people, you must know the apology would be worthless when it comes to me." 

Athena froze when he came closer to her. She attempted to slip away, away from him, but Loki caught her lower back, gripping it tight, as tight she almost forgot to breathe. _Or maybe because he was right in front of her, and she couldn't help herself around him._

"You cannot escape now, Athena," he hissed. "Not now." 

"Loki, that hurts me." 

"Does it?" He blinked, a trace of grimson showing in small part of his eyes. Eyes that pierced through her, opening and ripping the layers of the secret she hid, but not knowing completely what is there. "You think that hurts? And how about me? Have you thought about me for a second, for an hour, for a day since you went away? Have you thought about how broken I felt?"

"It's not about you, Loki," she said back, trying to pull away from his grip. 

"It's not about me?" Loki asked, bewildered. "It's not about me." 

She nodded, and he finally let go of her. She felt a sting of pain in her back, as Loki grabbed her forcefully, as he had never done it before. 

"Then what it is? Why did you leave me?" 

"Loki, I wrote it in the letter. I cannot tell you," she said, looking down at the concrete, just so she wouldn't have to look at him. She saw the anger he felt, which he tried to hold in; she knew he was afraid of reacting upon it, because, even if he stood there, very much real, he could never hurt her. Not the way she did hurt him. "I cannot force myself to tell you."

"You cannot tell me?" 

Athena waved her head. "No, I cannot."

"Fine," he retorted. "Fine." 

"I... I shouldn't be here." 

"Why are you here in first place?" 

"Loki, don't torture me," she saw him flinching at the words, and quickly tried to convert them into much clamer, more neutral ones, "I meant, don't keep asking me questions I cannot possibly give you an answer to."

"Why, every question I have is off the table?" 

"Everything you ask me completes everything I must not tell you."

"Don't you think I deserved to know? You are in no advantage here," he warned, his voice constantly going from ice-cold to hesitant. She couldn't decide which one was worse. "Tell me at least that, Athena. Tell me." 

He came closer again. She didn't back away this time, not even for a step. 

He laughed blankly. "I can't find you for days on end, and then I just meet you here. Of all places, here. Why is that, Athena? Why are you here?"

"I...," she started, trying to think of an lie he could believe in actually. Suprisingly, she couldn't think of any. "I don't know. I'm just here. I just... came."

"You were staring at it before I managed to acknowledge you. Don't lie to me," he spat, but his outburst rather turned into a sigh, deep, desperate, tired sigh of a man whose fate wasn't serving him well to this date, and he was growing more and more weary of everything he had to conquer, to do to prove that tiny bit of innocence hasn't died in him, however good it was hidden from the rest of the world to see. 

"I don't want to do this anymore, Athena," he said, and this time his voice sounded like one of those giving up. "I just want to know what made you go, hide that far away no one could ever find you. Not even me. You never hid yourself from me." 

Tears formed on the ends of both their eyes. Athena only knew how to hide them better. 

He extended his arm towards her. She noticed his fingers shaking, as they always did whenever he persisted on acting too strong, and behaving too coldly passive, all in the name of a trickster who never got anything to worry about. The trickster's mask was the one she took off, meeting the frightened child Loki buried in his conscious mind, so that nobody - _not even him_ \- could ever find him, and thus harm him more. She was the one who cured that child in him. 

"You never hid yourself from me," he repeated silently. "And now you do. Now you don't let me into your mind, and I have nothing more to battle with." 

"Loki-" 

"Only my love for you," he ended, and a first tear fell. Now was the time for her heart to break. 

But he didn't know her heart already broke and broke and broke; through the months of knowing the truth she couldn't dare to share with him, from the night she sneaked away like she stole something of value from him - as she was - and going through weeks of not being able to gather any kind of slight information about Loki, or the Avengers. She knew, as she left the love of her life, she too left her friends, the only ones she ever had, to be honest, without giving any last note or any last goodbye. She left just like she came in their lives; rapidly, blindly, secretly.

"Loki," she started, and as she did, and as Loki's eyes followed up to meet her own, she couldn't think of anything to say to give him a proper, believable answer to his terrors. 

So she decided to go with the truth, and to state the fact of her infertility out loud, for the first time, as she had never done it before.

"You asked me for a child. I cannot be a mother to your child," the look in his eyes hurt her as she spoke, really discerning the terror in his pupils, which grew wide at the confession. 

"Wha-" 

"Let me finish, Loki," she interfered. "I cannot be a mother at all. Not of biological kind, at least."

His body now shook completely, and his face was stone-cold when her palm rested against it. He was trying to make sense of it all, and he was coming to an answer, but she rushed before him. She needed to get this straight not only to him, as it was an excuse, but to herself as well, as it was a firm statement, a brooding truth of her womanhood. 

"I am... I am infertile." 

He was silent, as he was shocked. In the moment, one of his palm covered the one resting on his bloodless cheek, and the other hand grabbed her free one, squeezing it tight. No words were needed to say between them after that. Loki only stared in her dark blue eyes, and Athena only stared into his. Both of them were blurred with tears. But those tears were the ones of honesty, true love, true pain; as the ones lovers did understand. 

If somebody passed by them - and if they actually did - these strangers would only see two young people, with their young problems, shared young tears and maybe one or two broken promises. What they wouldn't see would be mutual love that met its first barricade. And the barricade was won; broken down, hit by a bat and then crushed to pieces till it disappeared. 

Loki and Athena knew the problem will stay. It will never go truly away, as it cannot. 

It was a part of their journey, which Loki wanted to continue, and which Athena was too scared to ask for. 

If somebody saw them on the street, looking at each other with hope and sadness, adoration and melancholy, they would think: _See how it is? You break yourself, you break one another, but love always does find its own way. Trust me, I would know._


	4. Like a little family

Months passed, and things were getting better between Loki and Athena, although she was still wary of the smallest arguments, covered in shame and a form of self-hate. 

Loki forgave her what she had done. He said it, long nights ago, and Athena knew he was telling the truth. 

The hardest were the times of not only their new beginning, when they swore to each other of never hiding any news of importance and of always speaking the urgent truth (which may caused a smirk on someone's face, as Loki's title of being a god of lies and mischief definitely was a huge contradictory), but of dealing with the way she would give her friends, the famous Avengers, a justified and honest explanation. 

Athena was most afraid of Nat's reaction. Both of them formed a close, warm friendship, for which Athena was grateful and proud of. Among all the secrets and doubts and personal pains they shared with one another, she knew of Nat's own problem of infertility. She didn't know how to say it in front of them without giving Nat a small glance, knowing she would be shocked at the truth. 

But all the worries, as Loki convinced her, were for nothing. Everybody showed a great deal of empathy and understanding, although Tony did give her a quick lecture of her ' _behaving unexpectedly immature, kid, how didn't you know we would all be here for you?_ '', and then hugged her. Bruce and Steve were in the corner of the room, but wished her nice welcome for being back home - because it was, and always will be to her, _home_ \- and offering a polite, true support. Clint and Thor, slightly more open about their emotions, behaved like two big brothers, as Athena really deemed them to be since she hadn't have any, alternately hugging and encouraging her. 

Nat got off the couch, walked towards her and, after a few seconds of antagonizing terror that Athena felt, offered a caring smile, putting a hand on her shoulder, holding it strongly, saying, "Welcome home, dear friend." 

It was a relief to know that, at least, she didn't lose their trust and faith in her completely. 

Loki, on the other side, was more affectionate than before. 

He was reaching for her hand any moment he could, just holding it, either loosely or steadily. His kisses were gentle as always. His words were calm, soothing, supportive. 

He behaved like the former events that led to them splitting up happened in a dream, a very bad one, a very hurtful one. Athena's thoughts sometimes wandered into his own, and she could feel something was frozen in there, something was waiting to be acknowledged, but Loki wasn't aware of it yet. 

The strangest of all - that unheld desire wasn't forced onto her. 

The other shock - that desire Loki felt was almost parental. A form of love, but of worry, anxiety and grief as equal. He was sorry for something (or someone?) he left somewhere else, in the unknown place of a name that caused him natural nausea and despair at the alone thought of it. 

Was it the orphanage? 

Loki would leave the Tower from time to time, never telling her where he goes, only reassuring her of it not being a mastermind plan for world dominance, smirking as he would see her frowning at the joke. 

He would be found missing for hours, and always seemed happier when he'd return back, to her loving arms, to her hard embrace. 

Athena, as Loki thought, was more passionate than before. 

She was sleeping next to him, every night turning to face his body, as if she could wake up and notice him not sleeping by her side, feeling the same broken pain Loki felt that pivotal morning. Her soft fingers going through his hair at the lazy afternoons, when he would talk to her, and she would return a quiet reply. 

She was restless, on the edge most of the time, even after the peace settled between her and her friends. Loki sometimes read her mind, usually at night, when she was asleep, knowing fully well that she could sense his presence in the awake state, since telepathy was among one of her abilities. 

What he saw pained him. The amount of guilt, not feeling worthy of anyone's attention; Loki recognized these emotions, as they mirrored his past ones. He hated to feel that way; knowing of her feeling the same, purposely burying these kinds of emotions so he wouldn't see them - that was the worst, as he felt the trust they were trying to build again wasn't entirely truthful. 

The more he thought of it, the more he came to a sudden conclusion, the one he never thought to be possible: the very ability to forgive the treason, the betrayal of somebody he loved, was already a huge step of improvement for him. And Loki could thank all of it to her.

But now his mind was occupied with the little boy he met months ago. There was something Loki saw in that boy, something that did remind him of his younger, child self. 

Maybe it was the fact the boy was an orphan. Parentless. Alone in the world, looked down by everyone else. Tossed away like a toy. _(Tossed away into abyss.)_ Unloved.

Loki spent those long, forgiving months balancing between building the relationship with Athena, happy for the given chance, and visiting Jonathan; he grew to adore the afternoons with the boy, when he would teach him tricks, introduce him to basic magic, tell him stories of Asgard, tell him about _her_. 

He didn't go into Jonathan's mind. Loki promised to himself, not to the boy, as the boy didn't know, that he will never enter his mind if not necessary. He hoped there would never be a need to do so. 

But the other thing triggered him for the time he was working so hard to show Athena support and love, claiming he had what he wanted and what he asked for. 

He said he only wanted her back, as she was a home to his heart. But she wasn't the light to it, as he would have replied before if asked. 

As much as he didn't want to alarm Athena's weakened mind, Loki did become aware of a void he needed to fulfill. 

As much as he despised to admit, when he would stay awake at night, listening to her soft sleepy breaths going in and going out, Loki's thoughts wandered to Jonathan, his thin, often hidden smile, and Loki would know: he was so ready to be a father. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

"You are lost again," she sighed and leaned away from Loki's grip, as he stopped talking in mid-sentence. 

It was summer. And the anniversary of her unexpected departure instead of a glorius wedding, not-meant-to-be wedding, was dangerously close. 

But they discussed it before; well, Loki did. He explained how he understood the reasons of her doing it, but didn't approve of her methods. 

_It's over now, darling. We are all we have left._

"Hm?" he announced, snapping out of his trans. He looked around the surrondings in a moment of confusion, but then saw Athena's face and smiled slightly. 

"I excuse myself, darling, for such a level of disrespect."

"You were thinking about the orphanage," she stated strictly, but Loki felt the change in her voice, the tiniest it could be. Why was she so afraid all the time? 

Loki nodded. "I was." 

She swallowed with difficutly. "Aha." 

" _Were_ you reading my mind again? Because you know I can sense that as well as you can when I'm reading yours." 

"I was just trying to make sense of something," she cut off quickly. 

"What was it, love?" 

"Your weekly disappearances are making me do it. I am-" 

"You are afraid I am going to leave," he interjected, and her eyes grew wide. He grabbed her hand and gave it two light squeezes. "But I am not. Athena, how much it has to pass so you would believe I am not being vindictive on you?"

"I cannot wash the guilt of off me, Loki," she gasped, feeling her tears running down her face. "I left you. In the middle of the night, like a bloody criminal, and you just took me back again! Like nothing happened! How could you forgive me that easily?" 

"How can you not forgive yourself?" he replied with firm calmness.

"Weren't you afraid?" 

"I am only afraid when I think I'm losing you," he confessed, pressing his forefinger in her pale fist. "And I know I am not." 

"You're too good to me, Loki." 

He leaned forward, his lips seperated from her own for only a few centimetres. She shivered at how relatively close they were to each other. "I am returning back what you taught me, love." His lips now above hers, breathing on her upper lip, painfully slowly gliding through the air. "And I am doing it very well." 

"Can you tell me why is that orphanage so important to you?" she asked him an hour later, as they laid intertwined and naked under the dark green blanket she gifted him one Christmas, long before the urgent drama happened. "Your mind is constantly wandering to it." 

"I met a boy the same day I found you," Loki started, hurriedly, as he couldn't wait any more to tell her what was sleeping on his chest and soul for almost a year. She offered him silence, and he understood that was a sign for him to keep going. "He was... so happy, positive, full of life. Considering that I caught him in the middle of running away with an item, followed by a rampage set by a horde of raged men, of course."

"What did he steal?" she asked and placed a kiss on the flesh above his beating heart. She felt content by the fact it was beating so timidly, and at the same time as vividly as colours on the painter's colour palette. It was so living. 

"A golden watch." 

"Whoa," she faked her jaw dropping like the characters from the Looney Tunes cartoon, and Loki laughed at the sight of it. He missed that silly trait of hers, a trait so characteristic, that he was happy he finally brought it back. 

_Gods, I wouldn't want to stay without you ever_ _again._

"The boy's got sticky fingers," she said. 

"Yes, indeed he's got them," he agreed. 

"The little bit of mischief," she spoke, laughing warmly.

"The little bit of mischief," he accepted, smiling. 

"What is the boy's name?" 

"Jonathan," Loki replied. 

"Jonathan," she repeated, burying her head into his chest and closing her eyes. 

_Gods, if you hear me, make my last hope more than a dream. This is the last I will ask of you._

"Can I meet him?" 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

He managed to ask permission from orphanage manager, since he was a regular visitor, although the head of the institution was overly suspicious of Loki's relationship with the boy. He was coming for a visit every week, but did not mention the possibility of adopting Jonathan, and that was deemed a bad sign with these sensitive issues. However, there were no proofs she could hold against him, as the boy seemingly loved spending time with him so, when one sunny, already too warm, indicating how much of a heat will be radiated later during the day, morning Loki walked in the building with a beautiful young lady under his arm, there was nothing that would stop her from confirming their request of taking him out for a whole day. 

"Loki!" the boy yelled, running towards him as soon as they came, and Athena knew he was waiting for them - well, for Loki - almost impatiently. 

Loki's smile grew wide, and he kneeled on one knee, spreading his arms as the boy ran in his direction. The force nearly knocked him off his feet, but Loki reciprocated the hug with equal ferocity. As he held him, Loki closed his eyes, breathing in his cinnamon scent, and thinking of how much he viewed this boy as a son. His son. His child. 

_The warmth of missing somebody you care about_ , Athena found herself thinking.

She knew: Loki saw this child as if he were his own, their own, the one they weren't destined to get and raise. She knew because she was constantly reading Loki's thoughts, obsessively, as the nearer past forced her to. The fear of him slipping away the way she slipped was still woven in her gut. 

"I am Athena," she spoke, mentally scolding herself for interrupting their moment - _father and son moment_ \- and pulling her hand out. _Hello, I'm a coward._

Jonathan let go off Loki and stared at her. His eyes, the shade of sea green, searched her whole face, examining it with curiousity and admiration. It took him a minute, and he smiled, receiving her waiting hand with his smaller one. 

"I am Jonathan," he introduced himself. "You are more beautiful than Loki described you."

"Oh, thank you. You are very polite."

"Charmer boy, stay away from my girl," Loki smirked, standing up. He snaked an arm around Athena's waist, and she returned the smile. "She's not into little street thieves; more into those sophisticated ones." 

Loki was joking, and she could clearly see that. 

"Oh my Lord, you told her?!" Jonathan raised his voice, covering his mouth with his hands. 

"Loki," she elbowed him, but couldn't hide her smile. 

"What?" Loki whispered in her ear, playing innocent. "I'm jealous." 

She snorted and pushed his shoulder playfully. The feeling of carefree youth washed over her again, and it felt just so good. 

"Miss, I am really sorry for the negative words you heard about me," the boy said seriously, "But I assure you I am more than just a street thief." 

Athena leaned over, placing her palms on both her knees. "Your manners speak for themselves. I do think more of you, and I would like to meet you." 

"My pleasure, Miss," he took a bow. 

"Call me Athena, please." 

Jonathan grinned. "Like a Greek goddess of war and wisdom. A very nice name." 

"Yes," she nodded, turning her head to glance at Loki, "It is a nice one." 

"Excuse me for interrupting," Loki circled around Athena and placed a hand on Jonathan's right shoulder. "But I believe it is a time we should make a decision on where we're going." 

"In that case," she said, putting a hand on the boy's left shoulder. "Do you have any idea where you want to be, what you want to see?" 

"I have a wish." 

Time flew by in an instant, but God, what a time it was. 

Jonathan expressed a wish to visit a museum, since he had never been in one, and thus choosing the one dedicated to Greek mythologies, since he had met a lady going by a greek name. The museum was a perfect choice: the colours of turquoise and azure were the main palette, covering walls from floor to the ceiling, with fake-golden and silver embossments. The atmosphere of this place calmed her, giving her a feeling of freedom she hadn't felt in awhile. 

Jonathan was more impressed by outstanding, authentic sculptures and statues; he wasn't allowed to touch them, as no one of the visitors could, but the sensitive lines engraved into the stone, making the faces and facial expressions out of its solid material, were the true form of art he'd ever seen. The boy craved and craved this kind of close relationship, this 'family' feeling. He was getting that for the first time in his life. He was getting it from a literal god and a woman named after one of godlike creatures. 

Loki's eyes were always on them. He was trying to take notice of every little emotion each of them felt, as they became the upmost important persons in his life, and their happiness was the one he was living for. Athena's dose of tranquility was like a drug to his solitary being, and Jonathan's childlike fascination with everything that surronded him was a breath of fresh air into his accustomed everyday life. 

He loved them. He loved them both. 

They spent a perfect day. 

After the museum, Loki took his loved ones for a surprise picnic in the park. It was already a late afternoon, and soon enough Jonathan was bound to be brought back to the orphanage. 

The boy was running on the grass, barefoot, enjoying the shine of the Sun on his skin. Now, the focus of his laid in the catching of butterflies, which he would always set free, never stripping them off their freedom. 

Athena sat down next to Loki, holding his hand between her fingers. She was massaging them gently. 

But the centre of her attention was on the boy, that young boy who played such a role in their lives, caging their hearts in the jar of his very own light. Loki saw that look in her eyes. He didn't need to read her mind to know what she thinks or how she feels about the boy. 

He knew she deemed him theirs. 

"Are you happy?" he asked, breaking the silence, although there was a cheerful screaming heard in the background. 

"I am," she gave a response, never taking eyes off Jonathan. "I am, Loki. I am." 

They spent a perfect day, bonded like a little family.


	5. Jonathan is ours

_You don't need to give birth to be a mother. And that child needs you._

It was the first thought she woke up to next morning. It was also the last she dreamed of before she went to sleep. 

Athena's mind was full of newly acquired memories, the ones of happy times she didn't believe she will ever deserve. The boy, Jonathan, had really grown to her heart. As she thought about the smile he gave her at their first meeting, the nicest one she'd ever received, the beauty of his a bit unusual colour of eyes, which looked at her with hope, it was evident, she knew it without a doubt, and the softness of his boyish hair, the ginger one, constructed of untamed curlies; he was the son she would love to have. 

That kind of thought was going through her head whole day, and she was asking herself if she could take such a serious role on her back. 

Could she be a good mother? A good substitute mother for a good substitute child? 

She tried to imagine herself and Loki as parents. Loki would, in the lack of better description, absolutely nail it; she saw the way he was looking at him, paying attention to every word of excitment Jonathan showed (he was equally impressed with everything). The way Loki put his right palm on the boy's back as they were crossing the street, eyeing both sides of the road with daring caution. 

Yes, Loki would be a great father. Given the opportunities he had as he was growing up, and taking notice of where he ended up due to the childhood he was given by the hands of Odin, the Allfather. Athena knew Loki wouldn't let anything happen to this boy, as he reminded him of his own self. Being an orphan, left to die by his biological father, Loki didn't stand much chance till Odin found him. But the way he was treated in Asgard Loki never forgot. That's why, once that theme was broadly discussed and healed, sewed by the fate's needle, Loki decided to never bring it up again, never talk about the experience again. 

Yes, he would be a perfect father. Loki would raise his child without neglecting his needs, open to understanding and acknowledging the child's wishes, trying to do the best he could. He would do everything in his power to not be the same as the father who raised him. Or the one who was never there, leaving him because he didn't satisfy the standards as soon as he was born. 

Yes, he will be the best father. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

_Are you happy?_

_I am._

_Are you happy, Athena?_

_I am, Loki, I am._

These thoughts were roaring in Loki's head throughout whole day, and all of them made him smile. The honest smile. The one he'd been holding in for too long. 

He caught himself hoping, almost praying, that Athena decides the same as he had decided before. He was ready. He was ready to take on a serious role of being a father and, as much as he doubted himself in the beginning, now he knew there was a possibility he could be the better version of a parent than the two of fathers he had. 

How? Which one? 

Loki relied on Frigga's love; more precisely, the love she had shown him since he was a baby. He could destroy world around him, he could lie - but his mother's love, among Thor's own, was the only pathway he was aware of and the only one he approved of. And he hoped he could give the same affection, the same care back to the child of his someday. 

Then his thoughts wandered to Athena. He smiled, knowing she would be a great mother. He knew it based on the strength she collected through her youth; Loki was familiar with everything she went through, and yet she was standing strong, never losing hope. That's what he admired about her the most: her going forward when he was withdrawing. That kind of force was the one he knew his child would need. 

Yes, she would be a perfect mother. As she was the protector, the caretaker, and he was the storm in god's flesh, chaotic in every way possible, the trickster. He would cast illusions, and she would break them; he would play around, and she would caught him misbehaving. He would stumble, and she would keep him on his feet. 

Yes, she will be the best mother.

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Both of them rushed in the room as quickly as they could, impatiently waiting to convey the news, the decision made, to each other. 

"Loki," she gasped. 

"Athena," he whispered. 

And those two young people, a matched up pair, stared at one another. Without speaking, just looking, they knew. There wasn't a need to read the mind of what was the other person thinking. 

They just knew. 

"Yes," she said first. 

"Yes," he agreed second. 

And they just smiled, their hearts finally united in one. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

The adoption process took more than nine months. 

First, Loki and Athena had to prove themselves as a good couple, going on weekly meetings and conversations with the social worker. They were also included in social groups with other people who wanted to adopt. To say that Loki wasn't amused by the idea of joining the group full of Midgardians he was indeed not fond of - nor were they fond of his presence, since some of them didn't forget the chaos he sowed years ago - would be an understatement. The fact that he referred to it as 'the cult' was hillarious to his fiancée. 

That was the second request that wasn't too much of demanded by the hands of the institution, but rather a product of Loki's free will. He proposed to her, again, and she did accept his proposal, again. But this time, as they swore, it was eternal. The wedding ceremony was intended to be held months prior before they sign the papers for adopting a child. And it took all of their resources (and a bit of Loki's persuasive magic tricks) to convince Tony that they are not in for the big, luxurious, flashy wedding. 

The third, and honestly the most important - actually the only one important - Jonathan's acceptance and the prob deadline. It didn't take too long to wait for Jonathan's positive response; there wasn't even a need to wait for one. He was the happiest boy alive at the moment he found out he's finally wanted for who he was. And even more happier when he learned of the couple interested in him being Loki and Athena, as he dreamed they would be. 

The prob deadline was the one a little bit difficult to deal with. It was consistent of a whole week, which they were supposed to spend together, living like they are already a family, like they always were one, and now they were just put back together, like a puzzle, as they always had to be. As the programme was more turned onto different sides forming a community, and as it was more focused on growing together as parents and child, Loki rented a small, wooden house away from the city traffic (he hated it anyway; he only stayed living in the city because of Athena's wishes). 

The hard thing about it was how to harmonize all the habits. Loki had got used to Athena not being a morning person, so he was usually the one who got away with preparing breakfast. But they worked in sync, being a pair for now years, understaning each other beyond level. And it might had been strange at the start of the week, when Jonathan came to the house carrying only a suitcase, and it wasn't very full and very heavy either, which did sadden both of them dearly, as they wanted this boy to have if not everything, than at least a few good things he could create beautiful memories with. 

They gave their most and it was reciprocated with Jonathan's expressed wish for being their so wanted child.

So when the day came that Loki and Athena had to sign the papers for adopting a boy, now as a married couple, it felt like a complete life. This was the final part of the turbulences in their journeys as seperates. Now, the path that led from this place pictured them as one walking down the one, ultimate, common road. 

And the day Jonathan called them 'dad' and 'mom' was the brightest day of their lives. 


	6. The accident that took her away from him

"It's like somebody has something against me. Up there," Athena spoke with irritation, pointing at the air. Loki laughed at that. 

"I don't know, mum," Jonathan responded. "Isn't God depicted as a good guy, doing everything for a specific reason?" 

Athena huffed, but a smile was seen in the corner of her lips. "I've got a damn smart child. Hey, Loki, do you think God has something against me, since he's making me work at the day of our marriage anniversary?" 

Loki's hands raised up. "Don't ask me, love, I'm on the unknown territory here. I have my own _gods_ to believe in."

"Well, your gods are more relaxed than mine." 

"But just as much as revengeful," he retorted, leaning to whisper in Jonathan's ear, "You wouldn't believe." 

He chuckled lightly, and Athena caught that, grinning. She leaned on the cupboard with her elbows and stared directly in her boys' eyes. 

"Could I know what's boiling in the witch's cauldron? Or I need to read your minds again?" 

"Darling, that is not a necessity. We have everything under our control." 

"If the god of mischief says he's got everything under his control, then I need to leave this station. _In hurry_ ," she joked. "You're not going to set up some illusions or blow up another kitchen? I cannot afford that much money for a new one." 

"That was a one-time incident," Jonathan tried to defend himself. 

"And it was entirely Jonathan's fault," Loki finished. 

"Dad!"

Loki burst into laughter. Athena equally followed it. 

"I'm getting raised by two teenagers," the boy sighed, picking at his cereal. 

It just caused them to laugh more. Athena was already on the verge of tears. 

Jonathan gave the a look.

"All right, all right, you funny clowns," she started, moving from the cupboard and grabbing a bag, "I'm going to work my goddess ass off, turn back home tired and probably agitated, and I expect everything will be done till then. Whatever you plan." 

"We're going to shopping," Loki said, and for a moment couldn't believe he actually said that, exactly that. Athena's smirk brought him up to the present. "For groceries, I mean. How are we supposed to cook if there's no supplies? We'll need them, in case we mix more than one recipe."

"Oh God, just order a dinner. I don't want to have food poisoning on my first anniversary. But I guess that comes in hand with living with you." 

"Haven't heard you complain before," Loki stated, chewing on his food as well as staring at her with faked innocence in his blue eyes. "And you forget I'm just a helper in the kitchen."

"And I am the chef!" Jonathan yelled with excitment and clapped his small hands. 

"Oh, I am going to die today, am I not?" She put a palm on her forehead, imitating a miserable lady from Shakespearean tragedies. "Cruel destiny, my cruel destiny." 

"Don't ruin Shakespeare for me, Athena, please," Loki frowned, knowing what she was referring to, just to joke him around. "He is the part of rare Midgardian culture I adore." 

"Uff, fine," she stopped her bad acting and put on her tough jacket. "You, my husband, are not fun." 

"And you, my lovely wife, are late for your job." 

"What?" she asked, looking startedly on her watch. "Uh. Fury's gonna kill me." 

"Enough of mentioning deaths today, all right? I don't like when you talk that way," he replied worriedly. Something felt obscure today, as if his gut was telling him something's not working how it should. _But I wouldn't tell her that._

"Are you afraid I'm going to call some bad luck on myself?"

"Are you guys talking about _wicca_? Because if you do, I could tell you various things about it," Jonathan said behind Loki's back. 

"Of course you would, honey," she said lovingly, moving past her husband to place a soft kiss on the boy's ginger hair. It had grown more curls, something that she doubted would happen. 

"I think, now is the right time I should be going. I will hear it from Fury," she spoke then, placing a kiss on Loki's lips. Jonathan didn't back away, nor he let one of those 'Phew!' shoutouts that kids usually make at the adults kissing. He was just so calm, so wise for a child, and at the same time did know to appreciate the little acts of childhood (like the kitchen episode, which, whatever Loki says, may be a bit more on his guilty side). 

They were making it good as parents. They really were. 

"Love you, my boys. Don't _ever_ forget that. Even if when I grow older I get Alzheimer's. I will always love you."

The statement stung Loki a little. He did not know why. 

"Anyway, don't mind me. Being a little emotional today. It's our special day, love," she said quickly, as she saw Loki's anxious face. "Take care of the house till I come back." 

"We'll make a dinner party, mum. Don't worry," Jonathan waved with a warm smile and she returned one.

"Good. Just don't make it the Donner Party!" she yelled back as she opened the door and ghosted into hallway. 

"The Donner Party?" Loki asked confused, turning to face his son. 

"Oh, it happened in 19th century," Jonathan replied nonchalantly, interest going back to his cereal. "The winter of 1846 to 1847, to be exact. Some people turned to cannibalism to survive."

"Okay, it's enough of history lessons and mentions of deaths today," Loki snapped, not too loud, but with a shaky voice, so Jonathan knew something was wrong. "Finish your breakfast and we'll be on our way to the stores. Sounds good?" 

"Is all good, dad?" the boy asked. 

"I don't know, son. I don't know," Loki spoke, and felt a shiver down his spine. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

The explosion went off.

At first, she wasn't sure of what was happening. There were rumbles heard, and she felt the floor crashing, sliding beneath her legs. Then, as she fell down, hitting her chin and breaking a few teeth, she was fully awake, fully aware of what were all those noises. 

The Tower was collapsing. People screamed and started running in all directions, running like flies without heads, running for their dear life. 

She was running too. But, although the fear knocked in, filled her thoughts and caused her heart to beat harsher, faster, the rational part of her conscious mind reopened too, and now she was focusing on surviving. She had people she had to live for. Her boys. Her two lovely boys. The Sun and the Moon of her life. 

_Not today. Not today and not ever again. I won't let that happen to us._

She assessed the situation: she was on the sixth floor, penultimate floor, and there was definitely no way she would make it to the outer entrance hall. Her powers of invisibility and telepathy were no help here. Telekinesis was never her forte; she could move the objects, but not the huge ones, like the remains of the walls and stones that were breaking above her, and falling down. The same, as she thought with disappointment, went for the elemental control: there was no fire (not after the bombs exploded - they were probably placed at the bottom of the building, she concluded), no water (only the one from the sink and toilets, but when she thought of it, the water already soaked the floors, making it all slippery so she had to take care of where she puts her feet). The air was the element she could had used, but, when the thought of it crossed her mind, it was too late.

Because everything was moving fast. Everything was collapsing fast. 

She dared to look out through the big crack where the wall used to stand: the first four floors were completely destroyed, quickly sinking to the ground. It was a matter of seconds that the floor she was standing on would meet the same fate. 

_Why this now? God, why this? Why do you hate me that deep?_

The fifth floor went down as well. It crashed into pieces painted by dark paint; her brain kept yelling _it's blood!_ but she denied as the shock took over her. 

So many power, so many potential, and yet she cannot use any of those deemed gifts for her own salvation. 

And the floor shakes, breaks,

_(My boys will stay alone.)_

it creaks and she feels herself falling

_(God, if you're there, if there is a miracle, give me one.)_

she knows she will fall, she will probably - no, absolutely - hit something, and please don't let it be sharp, don't let her die

_(Give me one miracle to stay alive.)_

so she prepares for the fall, the hard fall 

_(Give me one.)_

and surronds her head with her hands and intertwins her pale fingers on the back of it

_(I want to stay alive for them. For them.)_

And her body hit the ground.

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

_"Bring the stretcher! Bring them quickly!"_

She heard... some voice. She felt... coldness?

What happened? 

_"We have one injured on this site! Female. There's a pulse, but it's very thin. There's a lot of blood at the left side from behind the head and also at the top of it."_

Are her bones broken? Why does her head hurt? 

Why can't she move? Why is the light so bright, almost illuminating blind? 

_"There are injured on the right side too. Seven are dead."_

_"The hell happened?"_

_"Somebody detonated a bomb."_

Wrong. She heard voices. Numerous of them. All too loud. 

Now she heard nothing. Where did they go? 

Where did they go? 

_"Save her! Did you hear me?! Save her! Save my wife!"_

Another voice after a long time in darkness. But it's screaming. 

Who is it? 

Then their is a child's cry. Who is that now?

Then she feels something shallow on her mouth, and the dark greets her again. 

Some time after that - or maybe an hour, or maybe a day? - she hears it again. The voice that was screaming. 

It's a male one. Harsh. Wait, no, it's... it's coarse. Most likely from all the shouting.

Now it... now it sounds like crying. Crying without tears coming. 

_"They told me to say goodbye. They believe you're... beyond salvation."_

What? No. 

_"But I know you're not going to leave me. Us. To leave us."_

Us?

_"You will live. You will live, I know, you have to. You have to. You have to, because I..."_

'But do I want to?', she wants to say. 'But do I need to?'

_"I hate goodbyes. You know I do. I despise them with all my might."_

Darkness. Darkness. Darkness again. Bit of light breaks in. Darkness covers it. 

_"I hate them because I don't want to say goodbye to you ever again."_


	7. "I don't remember."

_Your name is Athena. A condition you have is called retrograde amnesia. We don't know yet if you will ever remember your past, due to the damage your brain suffered._

They told her that six months ago. 

But her mind was still as blank as page; she tried to scribble down a few words of a new life she led, thinking it would reminisce something of her life lived prior. Her mind was nothing, and it was frigthening, and because it caused her to fear, she reacted angrily. She scratched at the walls in the middle of the night, since she hated to fall asleep because of dreamless state of a mind. But, after she spent a month of going back and forth with not sleeping regularly, sinking dangerously deep into insomnia, she had to either stop fighting the dark she was said she did not despise nor love - as now she felt primordial fear at the alone thought of it - or accept the transfer to the psychiatric ward, where she would have been given more pills and more conversations filled with hidden messages of positivity and finding hope. 

She didn't know who she was, only her name (even that was given to her, offered like a pet), and she really didn't see the point of being positive about the situation. Doctors and nurses around her tried to convince her that they understand, but they couldn't have. Could they? 

First two weeks after she woke up from a coma, as she learned to be physically scarred in the accident, the only thing that interested her was who she is. Naturally, she did not remember, and that sentence became her whole life then, the statement of not remembering anything, anyone. 

Did she have someone waiting for her? 

The main doctor who took care of her state through six months confirmed her premonitions. He spoke about friends: six of them, very famous for saving the world on more than one occasion, some of them very wealthly indeed (later she found out her medical treatment was one hundred percent payed by Tony Stark, a brilliant engineer with a knack for philanthropy - _did his name sound familiar? No, doctor._ ) 

_What are the other names, doctor?_

_Do you want to know?_

_Yes. Yes, I do._

_Well... it says: Thor, dr. Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers. Sound familiar? Any of them?_

_No. No, they don't. I'm sorry._

The battle for her mind was still going on, but she had given up all the remains of hope. 

She'd been under many of brain tests, magnetic resonance imaging, etc. None of them showed any kind of improvement, although she was doing her brain exercises daily and visiting her psychiatrist once a week. That visit weekly was the one thing that caused her the most nausea. As harder as she tried to dig up her subconsciousness, the more disappointment she received with any attempt. Due to that failure, she wanted to give up. And she informed her psychiatrist about the decision made. Miss only took the information in with a long 'hmm' and then nodded after a long minute of silence. With that, the session was over and Athena went back to her room. 

Next morning, the psychiatrist came to her, handing her a stack of photos. Athena looked weirdly at her, with questions in her eyes. 

"What are those?" 

"Your family," Miss stated calmly. 

"I have a family? But you didn't-" 

"We couldn't tell you," she interjected. "Not at the beginning. Your brain already suffered great damage; we were not allowed to risk another one. As you might have guessed, finding out you have a memory loss and a family in the span of such short time could be damaging as well."

Athena took one out of the stack. The man on it was young, dark-haired, a bit pale. She noticed a pair of two expressive blue eyes, with a small hint of green. She almost smiled involuntarily. 

_Mischief._

_What?_

"He's your husband." 

"Husband?" she looked at the photo, never took her eyes off it. She touched it, the part where the man's smile ended. _Your smile is beautiful._ "Husband." 

"And here is a little boy," Miss said, giving her another photo. "He is your son." 

Athena's eyes opened wide and her head snapped in her direction. The action caused her to drop the photo she was holding. 

"S-son? I have a son?" 

"Yes." 

"What... what is his name? And my... my husband. What are their names? Please, tell me." 

The psychiatrist smiled. "Your son's named Jonathan. And Loki is your husband." 

Athena's brows furrowed. "Loki? That's... a strange name. Unique, but strange." 

"Would you like to see them?" 

_See them?_

_Would I like to see them?_

"But I don't know them. Anymore. I...," she panicked. "I don't remember! I don't remember them!"

"Maybe seeing them would help you recollect at least a bit of your memory, however small it could be. I can arrange a visit, if you want." 

"I don't!" Athena screamed, jumping off the bed. "I don't want to let myself down again! I refuse to give myself hope again!" 

"Atena, dear, please... Listen to me. I will not do anything you don't want me to do." 

"Then don't force me into meeting them," she sobbed. "I'm scared." 

"Why?" 

"Because they will expect me to talk to them. They will try to tell me about my memories, make me remember," she whispered dreary. "But I don't. I don't remember." 

"Maybe you will," Miss was persistent. "That's why it is important to do it. Old faces can sometimes help people connect something to their past selves, and you would remember."

"I will not. We both know I will not," she snapped. "It's been six months by now and the doctors... the doctors told me that I have a greater chance of getting my old health back if I remember my past life in first three months. At least a glimpse of something. I don't know; a name, a thing, an emotion. Something something something." 

"Athena-"

"But there is nothing. My mind is nothing." 

She fell down to the floor and cried. The psychiatrist, a young woman who had always been the biggest support to her during this half of year she didn't know where she belonged, knelt down and, after a few seconds she gave her to collect herself together, hugged her, holding Athena's head close to her chest. Athena heard her heart beating and it calmed her. As much as she didn't remember anything of her life before the accident, she did feel motherly love that radiated off this woman who held her as she was on the cold floor crying. 

"I am not what they would want, am I?" 

"They loved you before and they still do. They would want you." 

"But I doubt I am the way I used to be. The way they used to see me being me." 

"As much as I have heard about you, I could see there is old you inside," she knocked on Athena's head lightly and smiled. "We just need to get her out of there."

"Ah." 

"But there is one thing missing." 

"What?"

"Your husband - Loki - described you as a brave person. Indeed a brave one." 

"Oh." 

"That is the only trait I find missing here." 

"So you want to say I should be brave and face up with disappointment all over again?" 

"I'm not saying you should," Miss replied calmly. "But I think you could just think about how much you will gain if you try. There is really nothing you can lose, but a lot you could get." 

"I don't know. I'm not sure. But that's basically my whole being now, isn't it?" she joked. "Not knowing anything." 

"Will you give it a shot?"

"May I think about it first, as you suggested?"

"Yes. I want you to do it. How do we do it? The proccess of thinking important matters through?" 

"Inhale and exhale three times, slowly, and close your eyes. And imagine you are at your happy place." 

"There you go," Miss said with a smile and stood up, helping Athena with getting on her feet. "I hope you will be happy in the end. I hope with my whole heart, Athena. I really do." 

"Thank you," she said back, wiping tears off. "Thank you for all." 

Miss nodded. "Now everything's on you. Make me proud. Make those people waiting out there for you proud." 

The psychiatrist turned around. On the doorway she was stopped. 

"I never got your name," a voice said.

"It's Anna," she replied. 

"I will never forget you, Anna." 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Loki paced around the hospital halls with hesitation and restlessness. 

These months he had to adjust himself to being both mum and dad to their son, waiting for the news about his wife who still refused to see him and dealing with terror of losing her _again_ left a trace on him. Loki's present appearance was definitely not what anyone would have expected of the trickster god, god of illusions and mockery. This Loki couldn't cast an illusion himself, because if he did, all of his illusions would represent one and only Greek goddess, and he would catch himself believing it was real, that she was real, alive and with him, and nothing bad ever happened and she didn't almost die in that accident, of which he found out later to be a planned attack organized by HYDRA. Among 25 people who were killed, his goddess was not. And it was a blessing he was supposed to be grateful for. 

And what did his mother say about the illusions? 

_Cast enough illusions and you risk forgetting what is real._

One of the worst things he had ever had to do in his life was to tell this news to his son. He remembered the day very clearly. It will haunt him as long as he lives. 

He came home, bloodied, as Loki was among people who rushed to the Tower, to the ruins of it actually, when they heard the news about the bomb and the attack. But the cruelest word possible, that no one wanted to hear were: _victims_. There were a lot of them, and even larger number of people who had the misfortune of being in the building that day (his wife) were terribly injured. One of those people died later in the hospital. 

A woman died. A woman with two kids, disabled husband and a mortgage loan. A woman he didn't know personally, but knew her name because Athena was one of her rare friends. She was on their wedding a year and a half ago, smiling, cheering and greeting the newlyweds with enthusiasm and pure joy. He didn't know her but he liked the woman.

And what was left after her death? Many people would reply with: _oh God, poor children and poor her husband, who would take care now of them? Lord is not cruel as you think, He knows what he's doing. But oh, and the bills that need to be paid! Oh God, oh God, but you're not cruel..._

Except Loki knew that God is cruel. He didn't believe in Him, as he had his own gods (and Loki despised even them), but he deemed, if He did exist for real, then he was undoubtedly, dismissively cruel. 

And what is left after the death of someone? 

_Pain. Pain is what you get._

_Pain is what you get even if the person stays alive, but says nothing about you._

_Pain is what you get even if the person forgets about you._

"Mr. Loki?" a woman spoke behind his back, and it took everything for him not to jump out of scare. 

"Yes?" his voice came out, but it was so weak, so miserable, that you couldn't believe it was the god of mischief standing in front of you. "Yes." 

"It's about your wife," she said sternly and held out her hand. Loki accepted it with a strong handshake. "I am her psychiatrist. Dr. Anna Dankworth." 

"Glad to meet you," Loki said back. "How is she? Is there any... improvement?" 

"We've told her about you and Jonathan. She knows you exist." 

"But she doesn't remember me? Or Jonathan?" 

"No. She doesn't," Anna replied. She could feel how fragile this situation was for this man, and she could see how broken he was. He spent almost every day here, occassionally leaving to take care of their adopted son. "But there is hope, sir." 

"Is it?"

"There always is one," she nodded and smiled, trying to both make this man more hopeful (God knows he needed it - and the child needed it too) and to reassure him of things not being over yet. They never really were and she was desperately trying to prove her point. 

"As you say," Loki looked at the floor. "The photos... they didn't work, did they?" 

"I had my own way of convincing her not to give up. And I have an inkling she will give you a chance." 

"But she didn't want to see anyone in six months! She... Ah!" he groaned out, and knew he was close to breaking down.

"Let it out, sir. Let it out," she nudged him. 

"She left us all," Loki spat out, and his own very eyes uneasily looked around. His hands started to shake. "I understand her decision. I do. I understand it's not easy for her to wake up in a world where she feels there is no place for her, but... Gods, I wish she didn't push us away. Not just me or Jonathan. There are her friends, which I'm not very fond of, but they are hers. And I know they are worried for her as well. But she... She is... I am afraid I could lose her, doctor Dankworth. I've already lost her once and I don't want to go through that again." 

"I understand your point of view too, sir. I think she will make a right decision."

Loki nodded and swallowed. "When can she leave the hospital?"

"A couple of weeks. The neurologists need to make few more tests."

"Those are final ones?"

"Yes."

"They will show if her state is going to change for the better?"

"Mostly. But you need to keep it in mind that her memory can better itself at any time." 

Loki blinked, droving away a tear. "As much as it cannot."

"I'm afraid I have to agree with the statement. I am not a neurologist myself, but I do know how mind works, and I know it has its tricky parts and behaviours that even we as medicine staff cannot understand ourselves sometimes." 

"And what will I do if she never remembers? What will I say to our son?" his eyes opened wide from shock, shock and disbelief, and he caught himself repeating, half whispering, "What will I say to our son?" 

"I think the more important question is: could you live with the fact she may never be truly the same, but love her as equally as you loved her before?" 

"I _love_ her," Loki snapped. "I didn't stop loving her because she can't remember who I am now. And even if she never does remember, I will not let her slip through my fingers. I am not a coward of a man, doctor." 

"Then you have your answer," Anna said, and Loki could swear she smiled a little. "She is in that room," she pointed at the end of a hallway, "fighting for going back to who she was for her family. And you are here, fighting for a woman you love even if there is too much to risk. That's what she needs." 

"Love?" 

"True love, yes. That's a cure after all, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Loki agreed. "She cured me long time ago." 

"There you go. Now, you'll need to excuse me, I have other patients I should return to. But I'm glad we made the time to talk." 

"Me too."

"Goodbye then. I hope everything will work out fine." 

Loki nodded. "I hope as well." 

Dr. Anna turned around, and it was almost too funny of a coincidence how similarly the events played out. 

"Dr. Dankworth?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I will never forget what you've taught me today." 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

Now she was just a shade of her former self. 

Now she was just as alone as she found herself to be lost seven months ago. 

But, as she stared out the hospital window one last time, she knew there was only one thing she could do. Many won't be happy with her decision. But she had to do something for herself, she had to decide something before she crawls back to the place of fear once again. 

What did Anna say? 

She wanted her to be brave. So she did something brave. 

She took a paper note out of her pocket and read the scribbled names on it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

_Tony, Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Clint, Thor. Jonathan. Loki. I'm sorry._

Athena was ready to go home one last time.


	8. Meet your son and husband

"Mommy!" 

Athena felt hands around her waist, gripping tightly on the cotton fabric she wore. 

She was startled and felt the urge to run away, as she thought this was a huge mistake after all. 

But then she reminded herself of the boy and who he is. Or who he should be to her. 

_Son. Jonathan._

"Jonathan, give your mother a break," a deep, smooth voice spoke. He made eye contact with her. "She needs it."

His blue-green eyes pierced into her dark blue ones with such intensity, Athena wondered if he actually remembers _her_. But then she scolded herself; of course he remembered her. His brain was working entirely fine, he had the memory of everything that had ever happened to them, and he probably had known everyone she forgot. 

_Loki._

Athena's attention quickly went down to her son, as she still felt his grip around her waist. Such an urgent, desperate grip on body caused by such small, genuine hands. 

The boy was more sweet than she imagined him, as she examined every line of her husband's and son's faces, taking notice of the eye colours, the colour of the hair, the posture they both represented. 

She was trying to find the way she completes the picture. 

"Mommy?"

"Hm?" she sounded unsure. 

"Do you remember me? Or dad?" Jonathan's sea-green eyes stared at her with excitement. 

"I..." 

_What can I say to my child? Sorry, but no? I don't think I will._

"Jonathan, listen to what I said," her husband's voice echoed again, now harsher, but at the same time trembling. "Mom... needs rest."

"I understand that," the boy spoke with unexpected seriousness and wisdom. Almost as if he were an adult, carrying all the world's problems on his little man's shoulders. Maybe he was. 

"I just want to know-"

"Maybe you should... listen to your father?" Athena spoke, weighing every word slowly, "I... came to talk about some personal - how would I say - some personal decisions?"

"Oh," the boy let out a surprised sound. "Is it something serious?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, but it is."

"Does it have to do something with you staying here?" 

"Jonathan!" her husband's voice now roared, tore the air apart as must, and everybody in the room - including her friends; Tony, Natasha and Steve - jumped or at least flinched from the sudden scream. But she didn't. She stood calm and steady. 

Because, as she did notice someone's dark eyes narrowing ( _was that Tony?_ ), staring angrily at the tall man, all she could focus herself on was the unsaid, crying words that floated in the climatised room surronding them. She was the only one who could hear it, read it, then understand the meaning and the emotion behind the content. 

_Don't say it, don't say it, she will leave, and we will stay alone if you say one more word. I'm sorry, son, I'm so sorry, but I cannot live without your mother._ _As much as I couldn't live without you either. I'm selfish and I want all you can give me. Because you two have given me everything._

"Don't yell at him," Athena warned. She could tell her voice strength gave them another round of surprises, and it would had been funny if she remembered them all.

"Here, Jon," Nat interfered and grabbed the boy's hand, shaking it lightly. "We'll let grown ups do their talking. Wanna go for an ice cream? I know where Stark keeps his candies."

"Just don't touch the blueberries," Tony said casually and winked at the child. 

Jonathan nodded at Natasha and glanced in the direction of his mother; she was not what he used to think of her, or how he interpreted her personality. But he could find the understanding in the slightly cold, distant demeanor she projected. She was nervous, and that wasn't debatable. But there was that spark he used to love about her missing either. 

So he made a last step, provided a last glimmer of hope as a sailor on the boat. Although it wasn't her who was drowning. 

It was his father. 

_I can unite you again together._

His hand cupped her palm. "It will be okay, mum. It will be."

"Will it?" she half-whispered, not expecting the words to come out. 

"I have hope," the boy said, and her son left the room. He left her heart shattered even before she had the chance to meet him again fully. 

But Jonathan knew what he was doing. 

She was someone he had to protect. 

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

"Excuse me, you want to do what now?" 

Athena inhaled deepy before answering. She needed to be as hard as a rock. "I want to travel. See the world. I don't know; maybe I just want to live."

"Kid, can't you do it here? You know, live?" Tony asked. His tone may had been demanding, authoritarian, but his eyes spoke of soft things. Of emotions. 

She waved her head. "No, I don't believe I could do that. I mean, you are all... strangers to me."

"Athena-," Steve tried. 

"Let me finish. I respect everything that had been done for me and my recovery from your side, both financially and emotionally."

"All right, but-"

She raised her hand. "But I cannot force myself into a lie. You don't expect me to start acting like everything's back to normal, right? Because I will not come back to normal. _This_ is my normal now. _This_ is what I am now."

"It doesn't have to be," her husband's tender voice was heard behind, and she turned around to face him. 

Loki stood by the window, withdrawn from their company, listening closely and cautiously to the words spoken between them. He already knew what Tony and Steve were rooting for: Tony will accept her decison, however it ends up to be, merely because he doesn't feel good enough to influence anyone, and because he doesn't feel worthy enough to ask for people he cares about to stay near. The parts of himself he could easily found in Tony Stark's own psyche caused him a subtle nausea, but also a tolerable sympathy. And Steve, well; Captain America will fall on the side of what's dutiful, justified and righteous. 

In conclusion: both of them will let her be. Both of them will let her slip. 

"What did you say?" 

Loki's eyes now focused on her. She felt his look darken as he came closer. 

_This feels a bit like_ déjà vu. 

"I said it doesn't have to be the way you say it will be," he spoke low. "Your mind can still remember what it now misses." 

"Who told you that?" she said, almost defensively. 

"Dr. Anna." 

Shock written on her bloodless face. "You talked to her? Why?"

"Because I care," he replied. "Because I care that you get your life back." 

"The doctors said the chances are low-"

"So you wouldn't risk?"

"What?" she stared at Loki, eyes wide open. 

"You wouldn't risk staying here and maybe getting the pieces of your memory back?"

"It's complicated, I-"

"No, it's not," Loki cut off. "Would you leave your son behind? Don't worry about me, but would you leave the child behind, the child that had waited for you for months, only to hear his mother wanting to walk away, like nothing happened? Is that what you want?"

"Reindeer Games," Tony warned.

Loki gave him a stone-cold glance. "No, Man of Iron. I've had enough." 

"Don't be mean to me," Athena whispered. She saw a glimpse of red around his pupils. 

"I don't want to be, Athena," he sighed. "But do I have a choice? What could I say or how should I behave when my wife says she wants to... leave?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"But you did," he said back, and a glimpse of that red faded. His eyes were blue-green again. 

And now there was no trace of sudden anger that took over him moments ago. Now she saw only hurt and pain. Somehow she knew this wasn't the first time she made him feel that way. 

"I...," she started, eyes darting over at Tony. "May we have some privacy? I would like to discuss some things with... my husband."

"You can go to the conference room," Tony replied readily. "Down the hall, and then left."

"Thank you," she said and looked at her husband, holding out her hand. "Come, Loki."

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

"He shouldn't be near her," iron voice broke the silence.

"He loves her, Tony," Steve retorted. The look of worry in his eyes as Loki and Athena left the room was palpable, amd soon enough everybody's mood went from slightly positive and hoping to pessimistic and dull. 

"He's using her. He is selfish. She doesn't remember anything, and Loki is still trying to get her on his side," Tony continued with rage and distrust, forcing blueberries in his mouth and chewing on them far too nervously. 

That's how Tony Stark presented his worry for someone he held dear. And it was nonetheless the same for Athena. He wanted the best for the kid, yes, but as much he couldn't hide the antagonism he felt towards her husband. Tony never thought Loki to be blamed for everything, but he surely did hold him responisble in this moment. He found Loki's intention to keep his wife on the same place she didn't want to be at too much of a selfish, agonized move. Something he would have eventually expected from a trickster god, but not now.

"She is his wife. They have a child together. I don't see how is Loki being selfish here," Nat's voice was heard from the tiny speakers Tony had built in the walls, and he knew she was eavesdropping. A true spy, what can you say.

"Nat, I know you have a soft spot for Athena, and that all our nerves are worn out-"

"He does love her. I've seen it in the way he looks at her, with such adoration and care. He's always looked at her the same way, even before the accident. There is no way he is just _using_ her. Not when you look at someone like that."

"Like what?"

"Like she is the only thing worth fighting for."

"Nat...," Tony whined out, even more when he learned he's out of blueberries.

"Give him a chance, Tony. He's been suffering because of this situation too," Nat convinced him. 

Tony let out a groan of frustration. He didn't want to lose the kid either, but what choice did he have if she wanted to leave? 

"Fine. I'll let them talk it around," Tony gave in. "But we - and by _we_ I mean _everybody_ \- are not gonna get in her way if she decides to go. The best for her is the best for us, got it?" 

"Yes," Nat said readily. 

"Yes," Steve agreed a second after Nat's response. 

"Good. Very good that we're all on the same page. Minus Bruce, Barton and Thor for not being here. Where are they anyway?" 

"Clint's at home with family," Nat jumped in, and Steve found himself surprised at the amount of information she was equipped with. True spy, no doubt. "Bruce is in the lab. There are some problems with the mechanic probe. And Thor flew back to Asgard, but I think he's gonna come back to Earth till evening. He wouldn't miss a reunion." 

"What you wanna say is that nobody's got anything to work with, heh?" Tony said. "I almost wish there are another alien attacks so I can do something productive." 

"You can help Bruce?" Steve prompted. 

"I guess I gotta see what's that been about," Tony accepted. "But I need to find some blueberries first." 

"You're growing an obsession, Tony." 

"I need my blueberries. Fresh, frozen. Got it, Popsicle?" 

"I understood that reference," Steve retorted strictly. 

"Sure you did, Popsicle. Sure you did." 


	9. Stay with me

"You've got to be kidding me." 

Loki's eyes never left her shaking form, and he didn't know if it was because of uneasiness or irritation.

He only knew that he still loved this woman in front of him, although she didn't know who she was. 

And he only cared that she doesn't leave.

"You want me to stay? Here?"

"Yes, I want that. I have the right to ask for it."

"Why; because I'm legally your wife? That's what you're referring to?" 

"Of course it's not that!" Loki spoke out, and he noticed she flinched, and he noticed he was too harsh on her. Impatient. Yes, impatient. "I... I am sorry. I shouldn't be like this. I promised I won't be like this."

"Promised to who?" 

"Our son," he stated quietly. "I promised I will not... raise my voice or react too angrily." 

"Oh." 

"But I did not promise that I will let you go. Even if he believed that to be the best for you if you decided it." 

"Sounds like he's the boss in the family," she joked.

"Trust me, he is," Loki laughed as well. "He always was."

"Can I ask you something? About Jonathan?" 

"Yes?" he asked with obvious indecision. Every other question of hers could be another claim for going, going far away where he couldn't find her, and even if he did, even if he tried to, he wouldn't. He'd respect every decision of hers because that's how much he'd grown through years. That's how much he'd loved her: enough to let her go. 

"He really was our salvation, wasn't he?" she smiled softly. "I sense he is... too special and precious little man."

"Yes, he is. He is special."

"Was I a good substitute mother to him?"

Loki's brows furrowed. "How do you mean _substitute_?"

"I know he is not our biological son."

"How?"

"I was told in the hospital," she shrugged off her shoulders, repeating, "Was I a good mother?"

"The best he could have ever had."

"And... how did you deal with it when you found out? That I cannot give you a child?"

"You've given me a child," Loki stated. "It doesn't matter if he shares our genes or not, as long as we love him as if you gave birth to him."

She nodded. Then closed her eyes and waved her head. 

"There is nothing I remember. There is nothing I know nor recognize," she confessed. 

"Don't let go of us, love," Loki begged. "Please. I know. I remember." 

"But I do not!" she broke down. "How do you expect me to stay with you and Jonathan if I can't figure out how to function within the family? How do you expect me to do that? Just how?"

"I don't have the answers to that, love. But I promise you, if you decide to stay with me - and Jonathan - I will do my best to grant you new memories now and for ever." 

"What if I never learn to love you again?"

Loki froze in place. His wife had just asked him the question that cut too deep into his wounded heart, even deeper and more hurtful than the question of her leaving them. 

"Perhaps you will," he tried. "For now, and for the future in front of us, I have enough love to take care of all three of us. All you need to do is stay." 

"Stay? Can you- did you think this through? Because I am a stranger to you, as equally as you're a stranger to me. Could you live with me in the name of old times, knowing I'm not who I was when you married me?" she responded, and he could hear her voice trembling. "I am a stranger. Both to you and myself."

"It's not true."

"Yes, it is. You know that, deep down. You know." 

She had a point, and Loki decided to ignore it. He decided to pretend that this woman in front of him was his wife as she always was, loving, brave, humorous. 

But she was not, and he did notice the changes the time left on her.

Her eyes were darker than before ( _you haven't seen her in seven months, maybe you just didn't notice? No, she is the one I love, I notice everything about her._ )

Her skin was slightly more greyish than the usual pale white.

Her posture was high, as if she hid all that needed to be covered in secret. 

She was not too much of a Greek goddess anymore; now she was more of what Medusa would've been like. 

_And I still love you._

"And I still love you," he spoke, encouraged by his thoughts.

Her eyelids opened slowly as she heard him say it. 

"You still love me?" 

"I do, Athena. I do."

"Even if I'm a broken woman?" 

"You think I wouldn't love you all the same?" Loki smiled gently. "I myself was a broken man when we met. I'm no longer the man I used to be, and that is all because of you. Everything is for you and our son." 

He made a step forward, standing in place for a moment, waiting for her to take one step back. She didn't. 

"Please-"

" _Athena_ ," he spoke, now standing close, looking down at her. His eyes searched hers, without crimson in them, she noticed. He was reading her face, every emotion if it was possibly there. 

"Don't tell me you'll leave. Please, don't. Rather, if I'm for an axe, swing it. For mercy's sake, swing it."

"Loki-," she tried again. 

"Just give me this moment. _Please_ ," he whispered. "Let me show you something." 

And the last she felt before she fell in a trance was their salty tears falling down together, and a kiss; soft, equal, magical kiss. _The kiss of the eternity._

🔹🔷🔹🔷🔹

_It was nothing else, and yet enough._

_Silhouettes ran by her side, speaking, but she couldn't hear it. It sounded like a strange, unknown language, and it was difficult for her to find the hidden meaning behind the acts._

_Loki was there._

_'What is this?' she tried to say, but found herself unable to make a sound._

_Loki said - yelled? - something, but she didn't hear any words coming out of his mouth either._

_Instead, he smiled. She smiled back, involuntarily._

_Then, the eruption of voices and memories exploded around them, colouring everything sapphire blue._

_'The love I feel for you is not something you could describe in the books, whose nice words would be a great helper right now, and not told by the simple song,' said the first voice._

_It was Loki's._

_Then a scream that made her shiver in fear._

_'I DON'T HATE YOU, I LOVE YOU!'_

_A creature sat in the room, tall like Loki, but with blue skin carved in deep marks and crimson eyes. It looked at her._

_Loki?_

_'Now you don't let me into your mind, and I have nothing more to battle with.'_

_What was happening?_

_'Only my love for you.'_

_Only my love for you..._

_Only my love for you..._

_Air around her thinned._

_Everything started spinning._

_'Loki!' she tried to scream, but words weren't coming._

_'Don't leave me.'_

_'I will not, Athena.'_

_'Then come back to me.'_

_'If there is a miracle, give me one.'_


	10. "I will stay."

"Loki!" 

He turned around in an instant, to see her running towards him. 

He'd recognize her voice anywhere. 

"You left last night," she said, trying to catch her breath. "You left and I... I did a lot of my thinking. The one I could do with this silly head of mine." 

He offered her a warm smile. She returned one back. 

"Can we talk?" she asked, and her voice grew thinner, and Loki knew she was afraid. 

So he only nodded. 

"Where is Jonathan?" 

"He is with my brother." 

"Thor," she said. 

"Yes," he replied. 

They stood in the middle of the hall, glancing at each other, nervous like two teenagers in love. 

"I wanted to tell you... what kind of magic was that? Last night?"

Loki watched her. She seemed brighter and happier than yesterday, especially taking into account what he showed her. What he remembered and what he wanted her to know. 

"Memories," he simply said. "My memories of you." 

"You're some kind of a wizard?" 

She chuckled at this one, her own little joke. Loki liked the sound. 

"I could be more on the side of trickery."

"There is more to you than I know, isn't it?" she nudged him. 

"There is more you'll have to remember." 

"Or you could just show me. Everything."

"How do you mean?" 

She smiled and took one of his hands into hers. They were cold, but she assumed they were always this way. They never changed. 

_Nothing ever changes._

"You were someone. So I choose you." 

Loki gasped. "You... You are going to stay?"

"You showed me what we were. And what I had. I like what I saw. And I think... I could give us a chance."

"A new start."

She nodded. "A new start."

He kissed her with passion, cupping both sides of her face. She put one hand on his cheek, letting the other one lose itself in his hair. 

But she ended it shortly. 

"One step at a time, Loki. All right?" she laughed.

"One step at a time, yes," he agreed. 

She held him, for what seemed like eternity, but was contained of only few moments, moments in which he got his family back, or at least a chance to build it all over again, as he had never got any chances before. He for sure knew he won't let this one slip through. 

He was grateful. He was tranquil. 

_And this is all I'll ever need._

"I love you, Athena," he spoke, staring deeply in her eyes, eyes that dark he loved them all too much. "My greek goddess."

"Wasn't I Medusa?" she winked.

"You read my mind, didn't you? Gods, I thought you would've let that gift down the water."

_I hope I'll love you too._

"Did you catch that?"

_I did._

"Now, let's see what's Jonathan doing," Athena let go of Loki, for a second, before grabbing his hand ( _and never letting it go_ ) and walking down the stairs, clutching tightly and securely on his upper arm.

"I can't wait to meet my son."

~ ~ The End ~ ~ 


End file.
